Dog Songs
/Note for the reader: I did a little deep dive on my old blog (RIP) and found lots of things that made me crack up (…and lots of things that made me cringe). I’m reposting several of the entries on my blog now in hopes that some ridiculousness will lighten your load for a minute during these wild times. To find more funny stuff, check out the tag #hoardlaughter on my site and on Instagram.
Dog Songs - Originally published 11/13/13
Another note for the reader: I used to write from my dogs’ perspectives. I don’t know. It was weird then, and it’s weird now. (Their names are Uzi and Ebenezer, which you need to know for the songs to make sense. Ebenezer passed away, so that’s really sad, and you probably didn’t know to know that but I decided to bum you out anyway. Sorry.) Also, apparently at this time, I was jamming to a lot of Miley Cyrus songs. I’m judging me, too.
Last night our mom and dad took us to Chick-Fil-A, and the drive-thru guy was like THOSE DOGS ARE SO FUNNY YOU CAN’T EVEN SEE THEIR EYES and we said THANKS GIRL then we realized… GIRL WE GOT FLUFFY AGAIN! Wut wut wut wut! And then we were like GIRL GIVE US SOME FRIES and then we were like OOPS YOU’RE NOT A GIRL SO WHY DO WE KEEP SAYING THAT? and he was all “It’s cool,” and Dad was like “stop sniffing my chocolate milkshake,” and Mom was like I WROTE A SONG:
Le de da de de
We are so fluffy
Can’t see anything
Barking at whatever we waaaant
This is our fur
This is our frizz
And it can’t stop…
And it won’t stop…
Can’t you see it’s we under these coats
Can’t you see it’s we behind these fros
Yeah yeah
One time Mom was having a big fat terrible day, and she was all “If I can just get home and eat my Cinnamon Toast Crunch I can successfully evade a nervous breakdown.” Then she got home and saw the cereal box on the floor all big fat empty, and that’s when she realized we had developed opposable thumbs that allowed us to open the brand new box and devour all the insides without making any mess. We thought she’d be proud, but she was flung herself onto the floor all MY LIFE IS RUINED AND I’LL NEVER GET OVER IT and we were like “yikes, drama.” And then she sobbed all the tears and wrote this song:
They came in like a wrecking ball
Ate up all the cereal
All I wanted was to beat my dogs
Uzi wre-e-ecked me
Ebbie wre-e-ecked me
Finally we were like LOOK MOM STOP RIPPING OFF OUR GIRL MILEY, K? and she was like YOU PUPS ARE TOO YOUNG TO LISTEN TO MILEY YOU BETTER STOP and we were like WHO DO YOU THINK PLAYS THE RADIO FOR US and she was like “don’t tell Dad.”
—
Fearing the Lord During Fearful Times:
Consider the Proverbs 31 woman. As she is looking to her household (v. 21) and opening her hand to the poor (v. 20), she also expresses her faith through laughter. “Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come” (v. 25). Laughter is part of the way she fears the Lord. She knows he holds the future, and the resolution of the story is always secure in his hands. But also remember this about the virtuous women: She did a lot of stuff, but she did it because she fears the Lord, not because she had to earn God’s approval. She’s not earning her salvation, she’s overflowing her salvation. If you follow Jesus, his righteousness covers you—you are already a virtuous woman. Strength and dignity are already your clothing. You, too, can express your faith through laughter, knowing the Lord shaped the path exactly as it is, is with you on the path, welcomes you to share and entrust all anxieties to him as you walk together, and will lead you in the way everlasting.
P.S. I know you are looking to your household (v. 21), and I hope this #hoardlaughter thing is inching you towards laughter even in these fearful times (v. 25). If you want some ways to open your hand to the poor (v. 20) and love your neighbor, ask God to open your eyes to your community’s needs and your neighbors needs. You may consider donating to two local (to me) places: The Mid-South Food Bank or The Dorothy Day House.
